Friday, December 12, 2008

Twigs!

Who thought that putting the word twigs in the name of a breakfast cereal was a good idea?

Are they trying to compete with Savory Kindling and Raisins? Or maybe Quicksand and Lost Shoe Porridge?

And do they really think that spelling it T'wigs is going to keep breakfasters from thinking Hey, Twigs! Or that adding an apostrophe somehow means we're eating "ironic" twigs? Or that it's really some hip, in-crowd reference to the Tilted Wig Pub in Aberdeen?

Even a Google search for T'wigs asks me, Did you mean "twigs"?

I know these aren't actually twigs, but I would still really like to know what they were thinking. And I would really like to have sat in on that product meeting.

"We need a word that sounds wholesome and natural. A word that makes us earth-friendly but hasn't been used yet."

"Can't we just put a picture of some endangered species on the box?"

"Been done. Besides, it's a PR nightmare if the species goes extinct."

"Can't we just donate some portion the profit from each box to some worthy environmental project?"

"Ha!"

"Okay... What about twigs?"

"Twigs?"

"Yeah. Twigs. They're natural."

"But they're wood."

"Termites eat wood, and they're natural."

"I like where you're going with this."

"And twigs fall from trees, like leaves."

"Leaves are pretty."

"Everyone likes leaves."

"Keep going."

"Well, crunchy is good for cereal—"

"And twigs crunch beneath my expensive hiking boots! Just like leaves!"

"You can gather twigs from the ground—"

"The softer side of hunter-gatherers!"

"—just like you can gather up pine nuts."

"I love nuts!"

"Everyone loves nuts!"

"Because they're wholesome and healthy!"

"And earth-friendly!"

"Just like twigs! Upscale Marketeers, you have a go!"

Personally, I think I'll stick with the Pop-Tarts a while longer. I'm just not ready to get down with Gaia in the morning by having a big bowl of anything called twigs.