Tuesday, January 20, 2009

I Pledge...

...never to take Hollywood celebrities seriously. Ever.

Watching this, my first thought was of how these same celebrities would have reacted back in 2005, if a video had been posted of people pledging "to be a servant to our president," as Demi Moore does here, or "to be of service to George W. Bush," as Anthony Keidis does here to Barack Obama. And really, Anthony, what's the deal with kissing your own biceps while you pledge to be of service to the new president? What position are you applying for? National Bouncer?

I remember a conversation with a Hollywood friend only a few weeks after 9/11. After detailing the litany of new and resurgent American sins that had supposedly been committed since that date, he told me the one that was really crawling around under his skin. I knew this was the worst in his mind, because he had saved it for last. And because the contempt in his voice took on a more disgusted, and more menacing, tone.

"People are making patriotic videos of their kids to send to the president," he said.

A patriotic video message to the president. The horror...

I wonder if anyone in those earlier videos ever pledged to be his servant?

Then again, I'm happy these celebrities have realized all the wonderful possibilities they now have to help make our country better. It was simply inconceivable, for example, to have smiled more during the last eight years. Or to have spent less time giving other drivers the finger. And of all the Bush administration's many crimes, preventing P. Diddy from turning off his own lights to conserve energy may be what finally puts Dick Cheney in prison.

Maybe I shouldn't be too hard on these celebrities, though. Their definition of patriotism is apparently the same as Joel Stein's, after all. Whether you love this country, whether you feel patriotic about it, whether you feel a stake in its success, that all depends on who sits in the Oval Office. There's nothing deeper at issue than the last election result.

Welcome back to America, guys.

UPDATE: Iowahawk has the full, ah, "transcript" of this video.