Tuesday, April 21, 2009

A Sacrifice on the Altar of Awesome


Even after my triumphant world apology tours, the Russians still won't help us with Iran, the UN is doing even less about North Korea, NATO keeps refusing to send more combat troops to Afghanistan, and Ortega made me sit through that 50-minute speech about the sins of Daddy Yankee. I always thought he was a rapper, but like I said at the summit, I guess I really do have a lot to learn...

Hmmmm, if all that apologizing won't work, maybe I need some sacrificial lambs...

Hmmmm...

I can't prosecute the CIA agents who actually conducted those aggressive interrogations. I've already said they were acting in good faith under the direction of their superiors, who thought those tactics were legal. I should wait at least a week before I go back on that statement.

Hmmmm...

I can't prosecute the Bush administration officials who actually authorized those techniques and implemented the policy. As awesome as that would be, the Republican who kicks me out of office in 2012 might turn around and actually prosecute Rahm or Geithner, or Panetta, or even me for some political difference. And that would not be awesome.

Hmmmm...

I know. I'll go after the people who wrote those legal memos that suggested all this was legal. Sure, they didn't actually do anything or give the actual orders, but their advice was so not awesome. And if you can't prosecute someone in a previous administration simply for giving not awesome legal opinions you happen to disgree with, then what good is having a Justice Department?

It'll be awesome. Just wait and see...