Friday, May 15, 2009

Pelosi Clarifies the Clarification of Her Previous Clarifications

"Madame Speaker! Madame Speaker!"

"Let me say this again. I was told about waterboarding. I was not briefed about waterboarding."

"Madame Speaker, whether you were told or briefed, doesn't that mean you did know that waterboarding was being used but made no protest at the time?"

"No protest, Scott? Jane Harmon wrote a letter. And unlike Senator Rockefeller, she actually sent hers."

"But you made no protest yourself, correct?"

"It would have been inappropriate, Jake, for me to criticize these abhorrent policies of the lying Bush administration as they shredded our beloved Constitution. Remember, I was extremely busy at the time fighting against the illegal War in Iraq and trying to get the unilateralist trampler of civil liberties George W. Bush replaced by a right-thinking Democrat in the White House."

"And you don't feel -- "

"Bottom line here, Tim. The CIA lied to me about this. George Bush lied to me about this. Everyone lied to me about this. I'm a victim here."

"And you only realized this today, Madame Speaker? Which would be why we've never heard this particular version of events from you before?"

"Don't be a neocon, Leslie. Who's side are you on here anyway?"