Saturday, July 25, 2009

Health Reform Press Conference, with President Morpheus


You know, I have to say that I am not familiar with the provision you are talking about. In fact, I don't even know which of the many separate versions of health reform now being drafted in Congress is the one you are referring to. I can't tell you what will be outlawed, what will be made new law, or even what exactly will be changed and reformed. I can't even tell you how much this is going to cost, or how we are going to pay for it.

So let me be clear...

We must pass this still-unwritten bill to reform all health care for 300 million Americans in the next two weeks, or our entire economy will be destroyed! Don't listen to those fear-mongering Republicans who just want my awesome new presidency to meet its political Waterloo! Or those Blue Dog Democrats who don't believe that we actually spend less by spending a whole lot more! Phone your Senators, and call your Representatives, and tell them to support my health care reform initiative -- whatever it finally turns out to be! After all, we know they're not actually going to read the bill before they vote for it, so why should anyone waste the time to write one?!

Now, about those Massachusetts cops who acted so stupidly by arresting my dear friend, Professor Henry Louis Gates...