Wednesday, December 23, 2009

President Obama's Twelve Days of Christmas: Day Eleven


"Ho! Ho! No! You again."

"That's right, Santa. Me again. And let me tell you something. You're whole attitude these last few days has not been helpful."

"Not 'helpful'? You think Santa Claus trying to guide you toward some kind of reasonable Christmas request is not 'helpful'?"

"You heard me. And let me tell you something else, Santa. I'm sick and tired of your fat cat ways."

"Ho! Did you just call Santa a 'fat cat'?"

"You heard me. You think I'm going to stand here while you outsource toy manufacturing to cheap Third World elvish labor instead giving those jobs to decent, hard-working, politically powerful unions here in America?"

"But Christmastime and Santa belong to all the world!"

"Don't pull that 'Post-National Citizen of the World' routine on me, old man. That's my shtick. And don't even get me started on those windfall profits you make each Christmas."

"But Christmas only comes once a year!"

"Christmas comes every single day in the Obama administration, Santa. The stimulus, the earmarks, health reform, saving money by spending even more money, haven't you been paying attention? Time to get with the program, man, and start being Saint Nicholas again instead Saint No-We-Can't-Afford-That, you dig?"

"But -- But --"

"Zip it, fat cat, and let me tell you about the new Christmas Czar..."