Sunday, March 21, 2010

White House Phone Logs: President Obama Calls Bart Stupak

"Hello? Is this Congressman Bart Stupak?... It is?... Excellent! Bart, this is President Barack Obama. I wanted to make sure you received the text of my executive order banning federal funds for abortion services... You did? Wonderful! So we have your vote for the Senate health reform bill and all those pesky little fixes?... We do?... Excellent! I'll just get Speaker Pelosi on the line and -- I'm sorry, what?... Yes, Bart. I promise the bill with all the fixes actually will get through the Senate, and we won't be left with the Senate bill everyone hates as the health reform law of this land... Because you have my word, Bart, and the word of President Barack Obama is as solid as a CBO cost and deficit-reduction estimate... Bart?... Stop laughing, Bart... Really, Bart, I don't see how -- I'm sorry, what?... Of course a presidential executive order trumps a law passed by Congress. Who told you otherwise?... Bart, listen, I used to be a professor of Constitutional law. I know what I'm talking about here, okay?... Well, yes, I suppose an executive order can be lifted at any time and for any reason... Well, yes, I suppose you could describe it as able to be lifted 'at a whim,' though I don't really see why... Because you have my word, Bart, and the word of President Barack Obama is as solid as a promise to close Guantanamo Bay in one year, as dependable as a vow never to raise taxes by a single dime on those making less than $250,000 annually, as sturdy as a pledge to go through the federal budget line by line and achieve a net spending cut... Bart?... Stop laughing, Bart... Bart!... All right, you have my full attention. Now, just tell me what else you want... A job in my administration after you get tossed out of office this November? Sure, I can do that... No, really. I can do it. We still have one or two slots left that your soon-to-be-former colleagues haven't called dibs on yet... I'm serious. You'll have a guaranteed place with us through 2016, and then with the Biden administration for eight years after that... Bart?... Bart!... Are you crying, Bart?... Rahm, do we seriously need this guy's vote to make history?"