White House Phone Logs: President Obama Calls the Polish Ambassador

"Hello? Is this the Polish ambassador?... It is?... Excellent! Mr. Ambassador, this is President Barack Obama. I just -- No, don't hang up! Please!... Thank you, Mr. Ambassador. Now, I understand there's been an unhelpful misunderstanding about my choosing not to attend the funeral of your recently deceased President Kaczynskis, so let me be perfectly clear. Poland was a firm if unfortunate ally of the United States during the Bush administration, and many Americans certainly appreciate the Polish troops who have stood by our own in Iraq and Afghanistan. But as I'm sure you're aware, I had to prepare for a big fundraiser with Barbara Boxer, and that whole volcano thing really messed up air travel throughout Europe, so like all the other world leaders, I was simply unable to attend your very meaningful and important state funeral... Well, yes, I do understand the signal my attendance would have sent to Russia about America standing with the young democracies of Eastern Europe, especially after that whole missile defense thing... Yes, I suppose was golfing rather than visiting your embassy to sign the condolence book, but I'm calling you now, right?... Oh, really? Georgian President Mikhail Saakashvili managed to fly in through Rome for the funeral? I did not know that... And Russian President Medvedev flew in as well?... Now, that's hardly fair, Mr. Ambassador. If President Medvedev dies, Vladimir Putin can step in. If Air Force One goes down in flames and takes me with it, Joe Biden takes over, and I don't think anyone wants -- Hello?... Mr. Ambassador?... Hello?..."