Wednesday, May 5, 2010

White House Phone Logs: President Obama Calls Michael Bloomberg

"Hello? Is this Mayor of New York Michael Bloomberg?... It is?... Excellent! Mayor Bloomberg, this is President Barack Obama... No, I didn't call to say I'm moving the civilian trial of the 9/11 masterminds out of Manhattan... Really, that decision hasn't been made yet... Mike, I seriously did not call you to talk about that... Mike?... Mike!... Listen to me, Mike. I'm calling to thank you for having my administration's back on the Times Square bomber... Honestly, when you went on CBS and told Katie Couric 'If I had to guess 25 cents, this would be exactly that. Homegrown, or maybe a mentally deranged person, or somebody with a political agenda that doesn’t like the health care bill or something,' you were the talk of the White House water cooler... I know! Most people just sandwiched in their accusations toward my political opposition with the obligatory 'Well, I guess that maybe it could be yet another radical Islamic extremist with ties to, I don't know, Pakistan or something,' but not you, Mike! You went right out on that political limb! Talk about the politics of hope!... I know, Mike. I know. Lots of people are disappointed it was yet another jihadi out to kill the infidels and not some racist teabagger. You should hear the message Contessa Brewer left on my voice mail... I know. And I'll tell you, between Fort Hood, the Christmas Bomber, and now this guy, that makes three successful or nearly successful jihadi attacks against us in the last six months alone. It's like we really are in a war with these guys, can you believe it?... I hear what you're saying, Mike, and like Rahm always says, you should never let a good narrative go to waste. So I was thinking, if you happen to get asked about that oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico during a press conference or something, maybe you could have our backs again, and say you'll bet twenty-five cents some right-wing domestic extremist, maybe from Arizona, blew up that drilling rig as a protest against illegal immigration or something... Well, sure, I know they all go around chanting 'Drill, baby, drill,' but it's the Gulf of Mexico, Mike, and everyone knows these guys hate -- Hello?... Mayor Bloomberg?... Hello?..."