Saturday, August 14, 2010

Another Presidential Iftar Dinner Clarification

"Thank you for coming, ladies and gentlemen, and for giving me this opportunity to clarify another of my remarks from the White House iftar dinner last night. Specifically, I said that we should always remember 'who we are fighting against' and then named Al-Qaeda, saying that 'Al-Qaeda’s cause is not Islam—it is a gross distortion of Islam.' Now, when it comes to gross distorters of Islam who we are fighting against, I clearly forgot to include the Taliban. Not only do they, like Al-Qaeda, hijack and warp the great religion of Islam for their own twisted and sadistic ends, I just surged tens of thousands of additional U.S. soldiers to continue a protracted and bloody shooting war against them. Seriously, I don't know what I was thinking leaving those guys out. Especially with the Ambassador from Pakistan and the wife of the Ambassador from Afghanistan sitting right there..."

"Mr. President! Mr. President!"

"Please, please, let me finish! Please! Now, just as clearly, I should have also included Jeemah Islamiya...Al-Shabab...Hamas...Hezbollah...Abu Sayyaf...Islamic Jihad...Lashkar-e-Taiba...Jaish-e-Mohammed...Al-Aqsa Martyrs Brigade...Hizb ut-Tahrir al-Islami...Jamaat-ul-Mujahideen Bangladesh...Caucasus Caliphate Jihad...Jamaat Ansar al-Sunna...Ansar al-Islam...Fatah al-Islam...Wow, this a lot of gross distorters, and we haven't even gotten to Major Hasan yet..."