Monday, August 9, 2010

The Good Old Days

"Welcome back to the White House, gentlemen. Are your beers cold enough?"

"The beers are fine, Mr. President. We're just not sure why we're here."

"Excellent question, Prof. Gates. Now that our awesome 'Summer of Recovery' is in full swing and our economic problems have been solved, I can finally turn my attention back to the truly awful state of race relations in this country and try to recapture some of that postracial tone from the campaign."

"That's a worthy goal, Mr. President, but our racially charged incident was more than a year ago. What does this have to do with us?"

"Excellent question, Sgt. Crowley. You see, strangely enough, our little beer summit last year has turned out to be the high point of racial reconciliation during my postracial presidency. So with all the present storm and fury, I was hoping to re-create a little of that magic from the good old days for the American people."

"Well, I'm sure Sgt. Crowley and I would be more than willing to go out and issue a joint statement about the need for racial tolerance and sensitivity, Mr. President."

"I was hoping to hear that, Prof. Gates. That's exactly what I had in mind. Now, when you go out in front of the cameras in the Rose Garden, Sgt. Crowley will pretend to be Andrew Brietbart, and you, Prof. Gates, will be Shirley Sherrod."

"Mr. President?!"

"What, the pant suit we have picked out isn't flattering enough? I was afraid of that. But no worries, Prof. Gates. I'll just have Joe run back in the White House and get that New Black Panther Party uniform instead."

"Mr. President?!"

"Oh, settle down, Sgt. Crowley. Prof. Gates can borrow the nightstick I used on Prime Minister Netanyahu. You don't have to give him yours..."