Wednesday, August 11, 2010

A Stimulating Truth, With Nancy Pelosi

"Gather round, children. Because with this legislation, we're providing another $26.1 billion to the states so that our brave police officers and firefighters who protect you and our dedicated teachers who educate you won't have to fear any budget-trimming nastiness. And it's all paid for by cutting food stamps and raising taxes on nasty private companies during a recession. Now remember, this is a gift from me, Grandma Pelosi, to you, the children of America."

"Grandma Pelosi? My daddy says this is just a bailout of irresponsible state governments who now have even less incentive to get their fiscal house in order."

"Oh, really? What else does this daddy of yours say, Alicia?"

"He says if we're going to cut money from poor people and raise taxes, we should use it to pay down that trillion-y dollar deficit thing instead of spending it all on something else."

"What an awful daddy, not wanting you to have teachers and firefighters and police!"

"My daddy says he wants me to have those things! He says he just doesn't want me to spend my whole life paying back the Chinese!"

"Oh, Alicia, poor Alicia, your daddy is what we call a fear-monger."

"A fear-monger?"

"Yes. A lying, xenophobic, fiscal fear-monger. But there's no need to be afraid. Because if there's one thing Grandma Pelosi knows, it's that we can always just borrow even more to pay back what we borrowed before. What else is the rest of the world going to do with its money?"

"Wow! Can I have another gift then, please?!"

"That's the spirit, Alicia!"