Thursday, September 30, 2010

Backyard Barnstormer


"Hello, Americans! Let me tell you, it is great to be out of Washington and here in this average American backyard, full of average Americans like yourselves, ready to talk about your average American issues and concerns. But first, let me give a shout-out to average American and Service Employees International Union President Emeritus Andy Stern! That's him manning the grill over there in the back! You flip those wagyu steaks, Andy! And don't hog all the sangria! Michelle brought that back from Costa del Sol for everyone!..."

[10 Minutes Later]

"And how about this artificial lawn, huh? It's made from 100% postconsumer recycled materials. It always looks great, and it never needs watering. Just looking at it makes you want to kick off your shoes and feel those fibers deep down between your toes, doesn't it? You know it does, because this is exactly the kind of green products and jobs that will fundamentally transform our nation and our economy, if we just keep making the necessary subsidies and investments. I can't believe nobody told me this was here!..."

[10 Minutes Later]

"Change is going to come! If we work for it! If we fight for it! And now is not the time to lose heart! Now is not the time to give up! Now is not the time quit! Because change happens from the bottom up! Change happens because of you! Change happens when you vote..."

[10 Minutes Later]

"What? Not even MSNBC is carrying this live? Son of a --"

[10 Minutes Later]

"-- which concludes my opening remarks. Now, who has a touching, personal story of how the health reform bill saved your child's life?... Anyone?..."

[10 Minutes Later]

"When I say hope, you say change! Hope and change! Hope and -- I can't hear you in the back, Andy Stern!... Andy?..."

[10 Minutes Later]

"So, ah, which union local are you guys from again?..."