Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The Presidential Press Conference on the Tax Rate Compromise: The Lost Footage

"Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States..."

“This compromise on the Bush era tax rates is in the best interests of the American people. In true bipartisan spirit, both sides got something, and both sides gave something. Now the average, hard-working American family won't see its yearly tax bill rise by thousands of dollars on January 1st, and the federal benefits program to help the unemployed will be extended for 13 months!”

“Tax cuts for the rich is the Republicans’ precious! We hates it! We campaigned against it! We swore it would never happen! Oh, how we swore! We hates the loss of revenue that should be ours! We itch for this fight, and we will campaign to reverse the heart of this very compromise to our last breathses!”

“Unemployment benefits will stimulate the economy! The payroll tax cut will create jobs!”

“No one negotiates with hostage takers, unless those hostage takers want to hurt the hostage! The Republicans were hostage takers, and America was the hostage!”

“I'm not listening! Go away!”

“We had to save America! We had to give the Republicans their precious! Hates them, we do! Hates all of them!”

“This compromise is good! Vote for this compromise, my fellow sanctimonious Democrats!”

Hates it. And hates you. Ben Feller of Associated Press, you have the first question.”

"Thank you, Mr. President. You’ve been telling the American people all along that you oppose extending the tax cuts for the wealthier Americans. You said that again today. But what you never said was that you oppose the tax cuts, but you’d be willing to go ahead and extend them for a couple years if the politics of the moment demand it. So what I’m wondering is when you take a stand like you had, why should the American people believe that you’re going to stick with it? Why should the American people believe that you’re not going to flip flop?"

“I'm not listening! Go away!"

"Where would you be without me? Next question..."