Monday, October 15, 2012

Breaking: CNN's Candy Crowley Replaced as 2nd Presidential Debate Moderator

Hempstead, NY -- Responding to criticisms by both campaigns over Candy Crowley’s comments detailing how she saw her role as moderator, the Commission on Presidential Debates announced this morning it will replace the veteran CNN news anchor with Bravo Network programming genius and on-air icon Andrew Cohen.

“I’m ecstatic!” an ecstatic Cohen told reporters. “Who would have thought I’d ever be moderating a presidential debate in the Bravo Clubhouse? I haven’t been this happy since the Real Housewives of New Jersey cameras caught Theresa Giudice flipping that table!”

Surprisingly, the Romney campaign quickly endorsed the change. “If it’s one thing the Biden/Ryan debate showed, it’s that we need a moderator who can handle an arrogant, interrupting, attention-seeking egomaniac,” said campaign spokesperson Andrea Saul. “With his experience hosting all those Real Housewives reunion shows, Andy Cohen fits the bill.”

Karl Rove, who helped George W. Bush win consecutive presidential elections, agreed. “Can Andy Cohen handle a more aggressive Barack Obama? Have you seen those reunion shows?"

The Obama campaign also embraced the change. “Andy played a great game of ‘Plead the Fifth’ with the President at Anna Wintour’s fundraiser back in June,” commented deputy campaign manager Stephanie Cutter. “He’s no Bill Maher, but the president is comfortable with the choice.”

Other Democrats, such as former Howard Dean campaign manager Joe Trippi, were less sanguine. “Look at the programming on Bravo. Real Housewives. Million Dollar Whatevers. The entire network is a niche broadcasting paean to the self-indulgent 1% who have brought this country to ruin. No good will come of this.”

“Bravo’s niche is the American Dream,” Cutter quickly fired back. “And if Joe Trippi were a real Democrat, he would say that as a commentator on MSNBC, not on Fox.”

Cohen has assured both campaigns that he will retain the town-hall format, adding that he looks forward to “spending 90 solid minutes talking with Mitt Romney about gay marriage.”