Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas, Copious Readers

Because Mary had a baby...

Merry Christmas, readers. And thank you for the last five years.

Monday, December 24, 2012

Merry Christmas, House Republicans

“Speaker Boehner! Speaker Boehner! Thanks for stopping, Speaker Boehner. Look, we House Republicans know things are tense between us right now, what with our rejecting your Plan B to tax only those people actually making a million dollars a year or more. Yeah, we really cut you off at the knees on that one. Took away any remaining bargaining power you might have had on the fiscal cliff, too, and we mean totally. Not to mention playing into the worst stereotypes the Democrats throw out there about us, like how we’re intransigent, unwilling to compromise, have all these ideological purity litmus tests that won’t allow us to come together and work with even the other members of our own party. But hey, ‘tis the season, right? Merry Christmas, Speaker Boehner!”

*gasp!* *choke!* *we got a traitor in fight against the war on christmas here!*

Sunday, December 23, 2012

"God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen"

If Firefly had ever put out a Christmas soundtrack, you know it would have sounded like this...

Merry Christmas, Speaker Boehner

“Merry Christmas, John.”

“Merry Christmas, Mr. President.”

“See, John? I just ended the War on Christmas for you. That’s leadership. That’s compromise. What more could you possibly want in these fiscal cliff negotiations?”

“Some actual spending cuts to go with along your tax increases would be nice.”

“Don’t make me wish you Happy Holidays, John.”

Friday, December 21, 2012

How Today's Apocalypse Was Averted

"Obama Baby"

Thursday, December 20, 2012

The New Health Care Crisis, with Hillary Clinton and the Saudi Royal Family

“This new learning continues to amaze me! Secretary Clinton, explain to us again how after a U.S. ambassador and three others die in a terrorist attack in Benghazi that you blamed on a YouTube video, after their repeated pleas for help during and additional security before the attack were denied, you manage to avoid testifying on this before your Congress for months! And then, when you finally are scheduled to testify, you avoid it again because of stomach flu and a bump on the head! Does your ObamaCare not cover Tylenol Cold and Flu?!”

“Ask her about the wives, Mughrin! Ask her how many wives ObamaCare covers!”

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Red State Update: "Elf on a Shelf is Worse than a Hundred Atheists at Christmas"

Tuesday, December 18, 2012

The New Learning, with Hillary Clinton and the Saudi Royal Family

“This new learning amazes me! Secretary Clinton, explain to us again how paying for your own birth control pills, having one parent notified after a 14-year-old has an abortion, and criticizing the job performance of UN Ambassador Susan Rice is a ‘War on Women,’ yet our not allowing women to drive, covering them from head to toe, forcing young girls into unwanted polygamous marriages, and killing them for family ‘honor’ gets a perfunctory throat-clearing at best from the very same people!”

“Ask her about Sandra Fluke, Mughrin! How much to marry Sandra Fluke?!”

Saturday, December 15, 2012

The "News," Whether Here Or Over There

(H/T: Althouse)

Friday, December 14, 2012

A Not Quite Neighborly Conversation About Two Perpetually Missing Dogs

“Hello. Have you seen my dogs?”

“Ran off again, did they?”


“Because you were letting them run around loose again outside without any leashes on, weren’t you?”

“But they love it so much.”

“And while they were running around loose outside without any leashes on, you wandered off and did something else again instead of watching them, didn’t you?”

“They’re good dogs! They wouldn’t hurt anyone!”

“And if they run in front of a car? Like that one time?”

“That’s a horrible thing to say!”

“That's a horrible thing to have happen because you don’t watch them when they’re out running around loose. And I never see you calling their names whenever you’re out looking for them. Why don't you ever call their names?”

“Oh, they don’t come when I call.”

“I can give you the name and number of that trainer and his obedience class again.”

“But it’s so much time to train a dog. Especially two of them. And I’m just so busy.”

“How much time are you spending today roaming around looking for them?”

“Oh, and your dog is just Little Miss Perfect, isn’t she?”

“Absolutely not. That’s why she’s on a leash. And why I put in the time training her for when she’s not.”

“You’re mean.”

“No. I’m the one who brought your dogs back the last two times. And I’ll do it again today if I see them.”

“Well, I still don’t like you.”

“Need a bag? In case they pooped while they were out running loose again?”

“Oh, I always have a bag in my...I can’t believe I forgot a bag. I never forget a bag.”

“Here. Take it.”

“I’m not thanking you for it.”

“You never do.”

Monday, December 10, 2012

Exclusive Video: New Spokesperson Named for Michelle Obama's Healthy Foods Initiative

Friday, December 7, 2012

Twinkies for Sale

Spotted while walking the dog, as always:

I've was always more of a Ho Hos man myself...