Friday, December 14, 2012

A Not Quite Neighborly Conversation About Two Perpetually Missing Dogs

“Hello. Have you seen my dogs?”

“Ran off again, did they?”


“Because you were letting them run around loose again outside without any leashes on, weren’t you?”

“But they love it so much.”

“And while they were running around loose outside without any leashes on, you wandered off and did something else again instead of watching them, didn’t you?”

“They’re good dogs! They wouldn’t hurt anyone!”

“And if they run in front of a car? Like that one time?”

“That’s a horrible thing to say!”

“That's a horrible thing to have happen because you don’t watch them when they’re out running around loose. And I never see you calling their names whenever you’re out looking for them. Why don't you ever call their names?”

“Oh, they don’t come when I call.”

“I can give you the name and number of that trainer and his obedience class again.”

“But it’s so much time to train a dog. Especially two of them. And I’m just so busy.”

“How much time are you spending today roaming around looking for them?”

“Oh, and your dog is just Little Miss Perfect, isn’t she?”

“Absolutely not. That’s why she’s on a leash. And why I put in the time training her for when she’s not.”

“You’re mean.”

“No. I’m the one who brought your dogs back the last two times. And I’ll do it again today if I see them.”

“Well, I still don’t like you.”

“Need a bag? In case they pooped while they were out running loose again?”

“Oh, I always have a bag in my...I can’t believe I forgot a bag. I never forget a bag.”

“Here. Take it.”

“I’m not thanking you for it.”

“You never do.”