Tuesday, January 8, 2013

President Obama's Belated New Year's Resolutions for 2013


1) Play awesome New Year’s prank on everyone, like nominating Chuck Hagel to be Secretary of Defense.

2) Finally send Hillary that “Get Well” card.

3) Continue fighting to change the partisan tone in Washington.

4) Grind the Fat Cat, War on Women, Anti-Science, Throw Grandma from the Cliff Republican opposition into finely processed corn meal for white bread, which will then be given to Mitt Romney as part of a concilatory horseradish sandwich.

5) Play more golf.

6) Keep reminding America that tax rates, not how much money the government actually collects in taxes, are what really matters when it comes to debt and deficits.

7) Reset the reset of the reset with Russia.

8) Get new phone number for White House; make sure Bibi Netanyahu doesn’t have it.

9) Give more speeches.

10) Call Elizabeth Wurtzel, and make sure shes okay.