Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Yet Another Presidential Press Conference


“Thank you all for coming. As you know, presidential press conferences are important to educate and inform the American people about the many vital, important, and pressing issues facing this great country as well as my own thoughts and positions on those matters. I assume you all received the memo from Press Secretary Carney as you came in, but just to review, I will be making no substantive or even informative comments today regarding the Boston bombing, the continuing questions surrounding the Benghazi attack, the Iranian nuclear program, North Korea, the use of chemical weapons in Syria, problems with the implementation of the Affordable Care Act, how the alleged mass murder Kermit Gosnell reflects on the regulatory oversight or lack thereof regarding abortion clinics, or really anything to do with the continually sluggish economy. I am, however, prepared to speak at length about irresponsible Republicans in Congress, the wonderful time we all had at the White House Correspondents Dinner, and openly gay NBA players...”