Wednesday, August 14, 2013

Why I Hated Tuesday

No day starts well when you wake up before the alarm all sweating and tense from a stress dream. Especially one where I was the mayor of major American city that apparently only employed obnoxious, out-of-control children. And I mean literal children, no more than seven or eight years old. So I did what any good mayor would do. I fired them all, only to be crucified in the media and by the public for being mean to little children.

At least it wasn't the recurring dream where I had to repeat high school but didn't know my schedule or my locker or my home room. Or the nightmare from last week that was running on Windows 8. My subconscious has some truly scary app tiles on its Start Screen, let me tell you.

No day restarts well when you get back to sleep, then wake up, again before the alarm, to the sound of the dog preparing to hurl a piece of chewtoy she apparently ate the day before onto the carpet beside your bed. It was a deep, awful, horking sound, but at least I got her to the bathroom tile before anything emerged, though she did lick my face in loving doggy gratitude immediately after, before I could stop her.

No day ends well when you spill water on your keyboard, then five minutes later spill coffee on that same keyboard. No tab, no letter c, and no Enter after that, even when everything had dried out. Goodbye, wireless keyboard I had only started using the week before.

At least it was a cheap one, and the keyboard that came with the new Windows 8 desktop that inspired the nightmare mentioned above is actually quieter. That's important, given how I learned my Qwerty fingering on an old manual typewriter and still pound the keys like a driver struggling with the powerless steering on an unresponsive land whale of a car. Plus, the loud clacking annoys my wife, especially when she's trying to sleep in the next room.

So I really hated yesterday, even if I did get some good writing done. And if today isn't an improvement, I will publicly embarrass it on the Internet as well.

Your move, Wednesday.